5 Connections, 5 Insights: 16-20 of 100

Project Horizon is a global conversation experiment by executive coach and high-performance consultant Tim Dutton. It aims to uncover diverse human perspectives by connecting with 100 remarkable people worldwide, linked through six referral-based chains.

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16. Rum distillery owner and lover of all things ‘taste’

17. Brazilian in Brasilia focused on education policy reform

18. A 70-year-old American female CEO of a manufacturing company who gave great relationship advice

19. Chief Financial Officer and passionate physicist

20. OnlyFans model manager

The rum distillery owner was fascinating. He asked to do a WhatsApp video call when it came to our scheduled time. I obliged. When he answered, he had a litter of Labrador puppies in what looked like his lounge. He said his black Labrador got ‘jumped’ around Christmas time, and he said “f*ck it” and kept them. Not a bad start, and an easy talking point to ease us into the conversation.

Over two separate calls, due to interruptions with people viewing the puppies, we discussed the alcohol industry, literature, men’s mental health, and politics. Mr Rum described his life as all being based around ‘taste’, which I can absolutely relate to.

Discussing his rum distillery, we explored how he tends to network and create business opportunities. I asked him about his approach to sales. “Don’t sell… just be interesting and interested,” he said. He added that the best approach to selling his rum is to go and have a great night out with the potential customer, which is fuelled by the product. This breaks down barriers, creates shared memories and gives the prospect a first-hand experience of the product.

Of course, Mr Rum seems like a great time himself, so I’m sure that helps enormously with connecting to potential clients. He could talk about the merits of Ernest Hemingway’s understated, direct communication style (this encouraged me to read his classic ‘The Sun Also Rises’), assess the current political landscape, or just relax and have a good laugh.

The lesson I took from this is to focus on connecting with people by helping people ‘feel’ what it is you do as opposed to just describing it to them. Critically, this involves being your authentic self.

It didn’t seem like the connection 17 with our man from Brasilia, Brazil, was going to happen. It took over two weeks for a response.

Impatiently, I messaged the referrer, Mr Throuple (check out Insights 6-10), to see if he knew why it was delayed. He took a while to get back to me as the famous Brazilian festival ‘Carnaval do Brasil’ was on. You know the one. Lots of dancing, extravagant outfits, alcohol and late-night street parties (“blocos”).

Mr Throuple told me he’d chase it up.

Within a day, I had a message from our Brasilia man saying he had travelled to Poland on holiday and had been switching his phone off to disconnect. He was in Poland to escape Brazil whilst the carnival was on, as the country becomes overcrowded with tourists. That was a surprise for me. I just blindly assumed maximum all Brazilian’s loved the festival.

We got messaging, and Brasilia man was keen as mustard. He booked in a time and even began sending me questions over WhatsApp to ‘warm up’ for the connection call. He was the first person to do this, and it demonstrated to me a true willingness to connect.

I felt like a bit of an impatient fool as what was happening didn’t match my expectations, having not heard back for a while. We then went on to have the longest call yet, late into the evening, and the man from Brasilia finished by asking for a follow-up call to continue our discussion.

I’ve been wrong many times in Project Horizon. This was another one of them. Check assumptions and stay patient.

I wasn’t expecting relationship advice to be the key insight I took from 90 minutes with a 70-year-old CEO from Wyoming.

But when she told me she had been married for 47 years to her husband, I couldn’t help but ask if she had any gems. It was so impressive to me that she had made such a mark as a female leader in a male-dominated manufacturing industry, and at the same time maintained a marriage with such longevity.

The advice was so simple that it’s sometimes ignored:

1. Understand each other’s personality type.
2. Put your partner’s needs first and treat them with respect.
3. Focus on changing yourself, not your partner.

The last one was the one that hit home with me big time. It’s so easy, especially when hard times come, to focus on what other people could or should be doing better.

This one is a bit heavier. Despite that, the outcome of the insight has actually helped me feel a little ‘lighter’ at times.

The CFO reminded me that ‘truth’ is less fixed than we like to think. His degree in physics contributed to a worldview where things can be explained with the help of models. Each model works for a while, but sooner or later, it gets replaced by an updated, revised version. I appreciated it when the CFO said, “We are probably, definitely, wrong” about much of what we know today.

Something I have thought about often, following this conversation, was how he described human life. The CFO said he doesn’t see us as separate individuals. Instead, he described us as similar to waves in the ocean. Waves rise, peak, break, and then ‘return’ to the sea. The sea that they were always a part of anyway. In the same way, he suggested, each of us is a (very) short-lived expression of something much larger.

For the CFO, he finds optimism in this worldview. Even when things inevitably go wrong, the bigger system carries on evolving and adapting.

Speaking to him certainly got me appreciating, a little more often, the interconnectedness of the world.

I also spend a lot more time at the beach now, appreciating the sea. Perspective.

Before I met Connection 20, I didn’t know that OnlyFans adult content creators could be ‘managed’. Of course, you won’t believe me, but I’ve never even been on the platform. ‘My mate’ told me about it!

Well, the OnlyFans Manager took me behind the scenes and opened my eyes. To the business side, I mean.

Just like anyone can pick up a guitar and record an album in their garage, anyone (of age) can start an OnlyFans account. And just like musicians can increase their exposure through a promoter, OnlyFans management companies can increase the reach of a creator’s account.

If you look at the numbers, you can see the incentive to grow a paying audience. The top 0.1% of accounts on OnlyFans are reportedly making north of $100,000 per month. A more realistic top 10% slot can see people making between $1000-$5000 each month.

The OnlyFans Manager told me he looked after over 50 clients. Many, but not all, of these adult content creators were single moms with troubled relationships or backgrounds. I caught myself thinking, “of course, that makes sense,” and was immediately aware of the uninterrogated biases and assumptions I was bringing to the call. 10 lashes for me.

Hearing about the company supporting adult content creators to make a living and, in some cases, look after their children had me reflecting on how little I knew about this social issue. It seemed so complex. The debate centres on whether the adult content industry, in particular OnlyFans, is exploiting or empowering its creators.

Of course, I can’t weigh in on that debate. That said, like many social issues, it seems to depend on where you stand and which lens you look through.

This difficulty in answering questions like this reminds me of a song called ‘The Fence’ by Tim Minchin, my favourite musical comedian. Definitely check it out on HERE. I’ll pretentiously add some lyrics here.

“The more you know,

The harder you will find it,

To make up your mind …

Chances are, it’s neither,

It’s easier to see the difference

When you’re sitting on the fence.”

These five conversations showed me that selling can be about being your authentic self, that slow replies don’t equal a lack of enthusiasm, and that relationship growth starts with yourself. They reminded me of the interconnected nature of reality and that some questions, such as the ethics of OnlyFans, don’t have neat answers.

Next time: Insights from connections 21–25.