5 Connections, 5 Insights: 51-55 of 100

Project Horizon is a global conversation experiment by executive coach and high-performance consultant Dr Tim Dutton. It aims to uncover diverse human perspectives by connecting with 100 remarkable people worldwide, linked through six referral-based chains.

ON THE GO? LISTEN TO THE INSIGHTS 🎧

51. Professional rugby player who believes interdimensional lizards control the world

52. Counsellor who used to be a professional drummer

53. Fitness coach who’s bounced back from significant injury

54. An Executive Producer of Peaky Blinders

55. Shop owner and tarot card reader

Connection 51 breaks Project Horizon’s rules a little, in that I already knew him. And he’s already one of my best friends. But, he was referred by Connection 1 – the ‘friend chain’ origin – so I had to take it (as per the rules…).

I think he was referred for a couple of reasons. First, because he’s one of the quirkiest blokes around and always makes for interesting conversation (he’s spent hours defending the position “interdimensional lizards run the world”). And second, because he’s got a unique network of people to refer on to.

I could pick out an insight from our conversation, but it felt more meaningful to highlight something he introduced me to a few years back.

Taoism.

Yes, the ancient Chinese philosophy.

I’m certainly no expert, and what little awareness I do have of Taoism is actually taken from the very serious book titled ‘The Tao of Pooh’, which my friend recommended. The Tao of Pooh teaches the principles of Taoism through the stories of Winnie the Pooh, and also offers a deeper look at some of the Winnie stories by overlaying a Taoist perspective. It’s a left field recommendation, but a great read and a softer introduction to a new philosophical perspective for those who don’t want to spend hours decoding archaic language.

Some of the main principles of Taoism that have stuck with me are:

1. “A journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one’s feet”. My translation: start small and start now. Don’t wait for the perfect conditions. They don’t exist.
2. Wu Wei, or the idea of not forcing things. This is about acting in accordance with reality. Don’t waste time trying swim against the tide. Just play the cards you’re dealt.
3. “All things flourish; each returns to its root.” My translation: embracing the idea that all life eventually ends is, for me, a motivator to be as present as possible.

I must say, Taoism was one of my friend’s better suggestions over the years. The phrase “a broken clock is still right twice a day” comes to mind.

One in four adults in the UK will experience a diagnosable mental health problem in a given year.

Knowing this, when I was referred on to a counsellor, I was really interested to hear about their experiences. What made it even more interesting was finding out he had been a drummer in a famous band previously, playing festivals such as Reading and Leeds.

The insight I’m sharing here though isn’t actually from the Project Horizon call we shared. Rather, it arrived after. Because I felt like we had developed a level of trust on our first call, I asked if I he had any space to take me on as a client for a period of time.

I didn’t really have anything specific I wanted to work on at first; just a general sense that I wanted to feel a counselling experience, as opposed to just hearing about other people’s experience.

Turning up for the first call, I was genuinely pretty nervous about where the conversation would go. I wondered which pockets of my life I would find myself talking about.

I’ll save you the gory details and give you the killer question I was asked. The question which stopped me in my tracks.

He asked me “are you enough?”

I puffed out my cheeks and raised my eyebrows upon hearing it. What a question. I’m still not quite sure I know how to answer it.

Maybe it’s a question to think with as opposed to just answer and move on from. I’ll leave you to wrestle with it.

Connection 53 was a fitness coach who seemed to have learnt the lesson “you don’t value your health until you lose it”.

He had built himself into the “strong guy”, opened a physical gym in London, built a client base, and then experienced it all collapse. His body broke down. First, an elbow reconstruction. Then spinal surgery meant that, for a while, he lost the use of his legs. To make matters worse, various factors meant he had to close his gym. Brutal.

So, after a lengthy period of his own rehab, he stripped it all back and focused on what he called ‘layer one’.

In his view, the longevity industry is obsessed with the fancy stuff. Heart rate variability (HRV), hormones, wearables, data dashboards. Optimising everything. Very few people are interested in mastering the basics: moving well and achieving pain-free function. His argument is that if you can’t move without pain, none of the fancy stuff matters. Data becomes an illusion of progress. Exercise eventually becomes something you avoid.

Speaking of his own experiences of pain, he didn’t just focus on the physical aspect. He spoke about the emotional pain he experienced from not being able to perform everyday tasks, like unloading the dishwasher. And the identity-related hurt of not being the “strong guy” anymore. Regardless of the source of the pain, it was clear there was more to it than just the initial physical injury. The pain was impacting how he saw the world each day.

Having learnt the hard way himself, his business is now focused on supporting clients with a return to the fundamentals of fitness. Understanding the body’s limitations – in both biomechanically and strength – as well as supporting people to train, eat, sleep, and recover as well as possible.

It’s admirable. When most people are looking for the sexy 1%-ers to separate themselves from the crowd (and there is an enormous crowd in the fitness world), he is taking a simple and clear approach.

The lesson: don’t major in the minors. Master the ‘brilliant basics’.

I’ve connected with many people in this project who would (by traditional measures, anyway) be considered accomplished and impressive.

World record holders. Explorers. CEOs of international companies. Professional athletes. The list goes on.

But, I’ve only descended into ‘screaming fangirl state’ for one person. The Executive Producer of Peaky Blinders.

I’m not sure if he noticed me being awestruck. I think my way of showing it went no further than saying “ah cool, I love that show”. I just know that after the call I walked about my day with a silly smile on my face – extremely pleased with another unexpected and magical Project Horizon moment.

Peaky Blinders sceptics may say “calm down, Tim, the show is just dramatic slow-mos of Cillian Murphy walking, with fire explosions in the background, and anachronistic modern rock music overlaid”. To which I respond, “yes… and?”

On a serious note, one of the reasons this connection was so meaningful for me was that it’s not every day you get to connect with someone who was pivotal in creating something which has brought you such entertainment over the years. The fact it was unexpected and occurred following 6 referrals in a chain makes it even better. It was his own wife who referred him to me. Crazy.

What a fun project.

“I’m sorry if I seem a little scatty. I’ve just had a person very close to me pass away.”

Those were her opening words of the call. The shop owner and tarot card reader was grieving from this devastating and very recent news, and was unable to fly back to the US for the funeral as she couldn’t get cover for her shop.

Naturally, I offered my condolences and offered to give her some space and connect in the future. The offer was turned down. Maybe our call was offering a welcome distraction.

As I reflect on the call now, I was impressed by the colourful life she had led so far. When she was younger she used to be a rock and roll journalist and executive editor of a magazine in New York City. This meant lots of gigs and tours, getting a taste of the rock and roll lifestyle. She’d also been an artist, painting plenty and putting on exhibitions.

But, whilst her background is impressive and interesting, the thing that has stuck with me since that day is the idea that when I do these calls, I am parachuting into people’s lives. I’m turning up to connect, ask questions, and hear their stories. This time, I realised I was meeting her in the middle of one of her stories – the death of a loved one. And it was only because she told me about the death that I knew.

It makes me wonder about the people I meet each day, new people or old friends, and what story is unfolding in their lives right now. What is their reality that I’m parachuting into and not aware of?

It reminds me of the phrase: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting an invisible battle”.

These conversations reminded me to re-embrace some of the Taoist principles (flow like water!), to ask the hard questions about self-worth, and to focus on mastering the basics. They also provided an unexpected connection with someone who had brought me much joy long before I’d ever met them. And reminded me that everyone is going through something – so move through the world gently.